A Head for A Head
by 13HoursInWonderland
Summary: "I am not looking for a favor. More of an exchange. A eye for an eye. An ear for an ear. Head for a head, if you'd prefer." Nothing implies, unless you want it to be. Just a bit of randomness.


Her law decreed "anyone without the decency to use their head has no right to keep it." This code made The Queen of Hearts infamous. Even beyond her castle's crimson walls and heart shaped hedges wonderland both awed and feared her majesty's temper. "The queen's way, or no way," the red lady's favorite executioner had once declared, making sure everyone in Queensland heard him.

Accordingly very few dared to saunter in The Queen of Heart's presence. Even fewer risked coming within reach of her constricting tentacles. And only one curious girl had ever escaped her majesty's legendary mood swings with life, and head, in tact.

Thus, The Queen concluded, young man presently crossing mouth of her throne room desired a harsh and swift death. His showy movements, so much like those of a intoxicated jester, proof enough of a suicidal nature.

Out of pure bewilderment, or so she told herself, The Queen permitted uninvited company to parade length of chamber. Allowed him to pass her scarlet extremities unharmed; and let the man dance into a stand still within reach of her throne.

For a moment nothing was said upon his halt. Her majesty's large, sleek, fingers warning daunted irritation as they drummed against her seat. Yes, The Queen internally judged, she was slightly impressed by her visitor's boldness. Yet that boldness would also condemn him if he refused to cease gazing at her with a crooked smirk and twinkling eyes. She was in no tolerable mood today, or any another day really. Therefore unless this man explain his shoeless, shirtless, ill-mannered presence within her next few breaths he would be at the mercy of The Queen's rage, and a sharpened blade.

One breath passed in continued silence. Two Breaths. Three and four. With a fifth the red lady parted her lips to bellow for her executioner. Before a letter could reach her tongue, however, an abrupt and discourteous tone stopped her short.

"I have a request, if you will here it." As if being yanked about by a commoner that thought he inherently knew a foreign court's dances her majesty faltered; but only for a second.

"A request?" She regained her composure with a snarled like a pride's dominate lioness. "This is no rebel's democracy! I do not take request and it is a dangerous earned to come seeking one in this court. If one didn't know any better, one would presume you've no idea who I am."

"But I do know, your highness." Sliding back a step the man attempted a macabre excuse for a bow. His overly dramatized movement's painful to fallow. Bones, though silent, visibly popped and cracked beneath thin skin as he twisted, then straightened. "And while "this is no rebel's democracy," as you colorfully put it, I am not looking for a favor. More of an exchange. A eye for an eye. An ear for an ear. Head for a head, if you'd prefer."

"I'm not one to do business with the likes of a you."

"Then I must ask, with all due respect your highness, do you know who I am?"

"A scoundrel and a swindler." The Red Queen snapped. Her narrowing eyes and tightening jaw hinting at a fracturing patience. "A lunatic playing at being a leading man and under water king.

And Carpenters' declaring kingship, whether pretending or not, I've no tolerance for. I'd have snuffed you out already, sir, if not for fact my tentacles refuse to reach below the same polluted sea you call home. In reference to snuffing out, unless you give me a good reason for your presence here I'll find a better one for taking your head."

While most The Queen could name would shun away at such a threat the Carpenter merely flashed his uneven grin with increased enthusiasm. His eyes sparkling with new starts. "I'm preparing another show." He chose to explain after a considerable pause. His glare darting about her majesty's irritable expression like a fish coming across something bright, shiny, new, and probably dangerous. "A little more performance and a little less cadaverous this time around. As mush as the walrus and the oyster sisters get crowds on their feet it is a performance better done once."

"Get to you point Carpenter."

"I'd like to borrow a deck for the show. Your guards are a charming, if not rabid, bunch and I believe they would make lovely gardeners in act three."

"And what makes you think I'd agree to that?" Despite herself, the queen snorted. As ridicules of an idea it was the notion of her card guards displaying themselves in such a manner, on Carpenter's stage non-the-less, birthed bemusing images behind The Queen's eyes.

"A head for a head your highness, remember? I'd owe you a favor. Otherwise, if you'd fancy other alternatives: a private box reserved for all events taking place at Dreary Lane Theater. Or a palace renovation. All expenses paid of course.

"I've no desire to ever set foot inside that wreckage you claim to be a theater. Arguably I may be mad, but not mad enough to look forward to one of your shows. And my palace is made of stone and blood. there is no wood for you to widdle down here. Not that I'd trust you with it if there were."

"No. I suppose I wouldn't really expect you too, now that you to mention it. Still, your majesty, you've left one of my offers untouched. A favor for a favor has survived verbal slaughter and is not a bad exchange, if you ask me."

"Even if it where a decent bargain I've no reason to trust you will uphold your end. Why in wonderland would I, should I, trust you?"

"Because, your highness-" The Capenter soothed. His unbearably smug expression again found new passion. "You like me more then you believe possible. I've no expectation's you'll admit it. Even to yourself. And if I am incorrect, my lady Queen, I'd like to hear why her majesty's famous temper has been so understanding thus far. Knowing her highness, if you truly disliked me I'd already be a corpse staining this carpet red. Well redder."

* * *

When I started writing fan fiction their were three things I really wanted to try out. All of them (shocker) being Alice related. 1) AliceXthe Cheshire cat, 2) Alice/the Unicorn, and 3) The Queen of Hearts/the Carpenter. Now I've gotten 2 out of 3 done. Again nothing implied unless you want it to be.

Thankies for reading and please review!


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